:: Carou-buy ::

Can't stand it anymore!

Why don't you Carousell me away and Caroubuy another wife!

:: Woe is me ::

It's Carousell again. He's been shopping every night before bed, buying $20, $30 stuff that I don't even care about. Says they are for the home.

This morning was the ultimate moment. He just bought a $20 piece of decor last night and needed $100 to pay off something. He expected me to withdraw readily for him and pass the money to him this morning. He dragged me out of bed to the supermarket to withdraw it because I didn't do that last night. What a jerk!

I had married a man with increasing debts and I feel so sorry for myself. A man who cannot provide for his family and is not responsible for his spending. Blames it on my spending instead.

To date he has not cleared his decades-long debt of $8000 with his best friend, been withdrawing money ($1400 now) from our joint account like it's his personal credit card, almost agreed immediately to install aircon in the living room ($3000?) and his friend told him no hurry to return. That means never, John. Together we owe his aunt and late grandmother $19000 for the downpayment when we bought this flat.

He's been telling his friends that he hopes we'll have twins. I want to punch his head every time I hear that.

I'm just crying every night praying that his addiction will be broken and that he'll be able to come to his senses and realise how much it's affecting me.

:: Tables of Grief ::

These are the tables of grief, every time I see/think of them I cry.

:: been a long while ::

Facebook is too public.. So is Twitter (I don't even have an account) so it's back to good ol' blogger.

Been feeling depressed lately. A sense of loss. I quit my job and have no plans from April onwards. It also means that I am open to anything, anything at all.

Husband does not love me. Picks on little things that I don't even..

I would go Bkk on my own if things don't work out by then.

Staff asks for last min replacement.. The problem I hate most about this job. Well, at least I'm leaving.

Looking at photos of home decor I feel like crying when I think of the current status of my living room and bedroom 2.

My heart aches.

On a brighter note, on my solo adventure last night with God, He brought me to explore Tiong Bahru and almost got lost.. 

But there was a nice view on the overhead bridge above CTE.

Looking forward to my trip where I would get myself lost once in a while!

:: Thanks Apple!! ::

Changed from iPhone 3GS to iPhone 5 a few weeks ago! Credit goes to Theodore of course, but for now I would like to share what I'm most impressed about Apple's products.

Firstly, I'm very thankful for being able to restore ALL my data from my last backup to my new phone. As some of you know, my old phone died. I managed to do a backup before it finally gave up on me. Wasn't the most updated backup... But it had most stuff like my notes, contacts, calendar, apps, messages, photos, browser bookmarks, wallpapers, ... Everything is as if I left it as it is! That is very convenient for me because when I got the new phone I was worried that I had to set all my preferences all over again.

Now, secondly, was the Games Centre I guess. In my previous phone, I downloaded Plants vs Zombies under my friend's iTunes Store account. That was one app that didn't appear alongside the Maps and YouTube apps. I missed playing it and thought it was worth buying it myself, so I did today. You know what???! The first thing I saw when I opened the app was this!

:: First MC of the Year ::

Fell sick recently... Partly due to sick people around me, partly due to my body's immunity going down. Nevertheless, it was a perfect time to rest at home.

Saw the doctor on Monday morning, also asked her to check if I have diabetes, because my body was showing some symptoms like dark patches at the underarms, lines on the neck etc. The glucose test cost only $14, and I happened to fulfill the criterion to take the test - haven't eaten since 10pm the night before.

Did some packing of my room, cooked a very simple soup (quite gross actually!) with carrot, radish, cabbage, and spinach (wrong kind of spinach!!!), and then rest. Halfway through my rest the clinic called, said that she printed the wrong date for the MC, that I need to go and exchange for the correct MC. Groggily I went to the clinic.

The next day I was also resting at home, did some housework again. Then the day just went past. Thank God for this period of rest. =)

:: My First Time watching F1! ::

I received a free pass to catch F1 on Sat! Cuz Charlie's company gave him a single pass, while Elaine also received a PAIR of passes.

This pass entitled me a chance to watch from the Bay Grandstand, which is a very privileged seat! It was a terrible experience to squeeze my way to and fro the area though, because there were barriers all around. I could have joined Shirley, Isadora, Elaine and Charlie at Zone 4, but I wanted to experience sitting at the grandstand too, and make full use of the privileged pass..

I kept yawning throughout the qualifying race though. First time watching, don't really know what I was supposed to see. (I watched the finals with my dad on tv the next day and learnt a lot about what the drivers were doing.)

I was really tired from the whole day out, and the race ended at 11pm. Had to squeeze through the crowds to watch Maroon 5 live concert. :(

I enjoyed the concert, the band's really talented! But after that, everyone's squeezing their way out too. I just wanted to rest and wait so I sat down at the Padang.

Theodore came to find me to go home together. Missed the Circle Line home though we ran and went thru the gantry. :'( i was SO TIRED!! Managed to catch NEL home, thank God!

:: Got our wedding bands!! ::

Theodore and I went to Serangoon nex on Monday, for a nice meal at The Ship. =) Food - good, service - good, ambience - great, price - a little pricey, but there are also affordable options. I love how they do their carrots! Soft and plenty. Added $5.90 to complete the set with soup, buns, coffee/tea and dessert. Very worth it!

Then we walked around.. I suggested checking out Meyson because I was doing a little research on their wedding bands, they post their prices online and sounds like a great value to me. First thing I asked when the salesperson, Irene attended to us, "Are there more designs available at the warehouse? (At Lavender)", "Will it be cheaper to buy from there?" She assured us that no, all the designs can be found at the nex outlet too. And the prices will be the same. They don't drop their prices drastically during GSS, so it is not necessary to wait to buy. In fact, the prices will keep increasing.

The first ring that appealed to me was a rose gold one, I asked to try it on. When Theodore and I went to Love & Co to try rings some time back, we couldn't agree on a similar design. We thought of just getting whatever we like, without the need for the rings to come in a pair. This time, he likes the pair! I tried on others and didn't fancy them as much as the one that I set my eyes on. My only gripe about this design is I find it too thick. We took some time to deliberate while we tried on a few more designs and finally decided to get this. Irene gave us bottled water while we were looking. I don't remember receiving such service from Love & Co.

Showed my mom the rings when we reached home. =) Photos will come soon!

:: Battle has started! ::

Just to update my friends, Theodore and I received letter from HDB last week regarding our loan and appointment to collect keys to our flat. The loan amount was kinda the same, except that it is a little higher due to my pay increment. I was disappointed, but if you know me, I tend to imagine the worst things to happen and this is one of it, meaning to say that I wasn't too shocked by the news.

The appointment date was set as this Thurs. The unfortunate thing is that, the lady handling our sales, Li Ting, has gone on maternity leave, so we had a new lady, Patricia, taking over. I had to call customer service on Monday to find out if there's anyone taking over our case! When Patricia called me, she didn't seem to understand our issues, as though Li Ting didn't hand over and explain on our behalf. I had to explain all over again as much as she was willing to listen. 

Just a brief summary of sequence of events:

1. We applied for a flat in September 2011, all the info I got was that the Date of Completion would be 31 August 2013.

2. We applied for Housing Loan from HDB end November 2011, told to send in more supporting document and results came back with a loan of $156,300 approved.

3. We went to the MP to request a higher loan, but to do this, we needed to defer the loan assessment until Theodore has finished 12 months of employment. At the same time, the deferment would help to delay the submission of our marriage cert because the Additional CPF Housing Grant we are requesting requires a copy of the marriage cert before the grant can be disbursed to us.

4. We selected our flat on 19 January 2012, a flat that costs $440,500. The sales officer told us we will likely receive $35,000 of Additional CPF Housing Grant.

5. I think we have chosen a wedding date, but officially booked the Sanctuary in church only in February 2012. The banquet venue we wanted was due to close in end March. We were disappointed that our first and only choice was down. We had to start researching on other venues. While researching, we came to know that the venue we wanted will be taken over by another restaurant group.

6. On 3 April we went to rekke the banquet venue with my parents. There we signed the contract with deposit paid by my mom.
Somewhere in between we received updates that the flats were completed and ready for key collection.

7. In July we applied for HLE again, because we received letter that we managed to defer the next appointment until June, just when Theodore has completed 12 months of employment.

8. We also received letter of our AHG approved. Amount was slightly less than expected, not sure why. I felt it would be a losing battle to try appeal and get $5000 more so we left it as that.

9. Our loan got approved, with the amount slightly higher at $161,300.

10. In August, we got our letter for appointment to sign the agreement of lease and to collect our keys! But with the loan amount not yet sufficient, we needed to do something about it.

We went to meet MP on Monday evening to ask for help to write an appeal letter to HDB for higher loan, as well as to ask if we could defer the submission of our marriage cert. We had approached the MP for help once before. They managed to help to a certain extent and we needed more. While I admit that we didn't choose the cheapest flat available, I must say that we chose the one most worth the money and one that meets most of our criteria. Praise God!

Theodore just went to hand the letter to one of the officers there on Tuesday and managed to postpone our key collection date. Please pray along with us for favour that we will be able to get the right amount of loan and get this flat! Thanks!

:: "I don't know about tomorrow" ::

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.

Feeling hopeless right now, many negative thoughts ran through my head. Useless, ignoble article at the Master's disposal.. Wondering if there's anything exciting to look forward to.

I believe in God, the One who gives life, He will decide when to take away mine.

:: Level up! ::

Haha I managed to find out how to remove and create email addresses for work! Deleted Matthew's and other unused email addresses!

Haha.. No offense to Matt la, what I mean is, I managed to figure this out on my own cuz I didn't find out when he was still around.

Gotta document this kinda stuff for the next person after me to follow up.

:: I'm A Fighter! ::

Can't sleep, woke up feeling very warm (had Thai food for dinner la). But thoughts ran wild, and I'm suddenly very anxious about my finances, whether HDB will offer us the same loan amount as previously because of Theodore's income.

I imagined such a news will get me depressed and bitter about my situation, and I cried as I prayed to God for a miracle, to also calm me down. And remember that "the Lord gives and takes away, Blessed be Your name."

Then a friend came to mind. What's my situation worth getting depressed to kill myself over? She's a fighter despite her difficult situations. I'll be a fighter too! And suddenly an idea came to me on how I can write in to appeal for the loan.

Praise the Lord!

:: Bodyshop Shampoo - Not recommended ::

Before Dove, I was using Asience. And I took a holiday trip so I brought along my new travel set of Bodyshop shampoo, conditioner, hair butter, thinking it'll be like spa for my hair during the holiday.

This is the Rainforest Moisture Hair Care Kit.

Same thing, my hair dried up at first use. Neither the conditioner nor hair butter helped restore the moisture. My hair condition got better when I returned home and resumed using Asience.

One thing bad about Asience though, the last time I used it I decided to perm my hair. Never use Asience on permed hair! Because it straightens it out! Haha!

:: Dove Dryness Care - Not recommended ::

I like to experiment with beauty products and I was using Asience Nature Smooth series, then I wanted to try a new product. I googled the best shampoo for Asian hair, Asience is definitely recommended time and time again, with a few rare other brands. One of them was Dove Intense Repair. I went down to the usual store I buy my toiletries, and saw Dove Dryness Care. I thought Dove might have improved their products and this new series alongside Intense Repair would do prove my previous mindset wrong. Boy was I so disappointed the first time I used the product!

I used to be able to comb through my hair with my fingers while washing off the shampoo, but not this time! My hair was more tangled than before! I also noticed I dropped more hair while using a towel to dry my hair, as well as on my pillow.

Pls remind me to never use Dove shampoo again! I'm still hopeful to find a good shampoo for my hair type. Until then, Asience is still the best.

Maybe I'll try Tsubaki the gold colour series next.

:: Victoria's Secret - my purchases ::

I'm never going to order from Victoria's Secret again. Okay, this is a super expired post, but here goes.

I ordered a few pieces of clothes and lingerie from VS last Sep, what I received was far from what was expected. This is just one of the examples:

The bra looked so granny and in such terrible quality! Wearable, didn't break, but materials used look real cheap. The Made in China tags confirmed it. Okay, most things in US are made in China. But this quality is worse than anything I've ever seen!

Thought I found gold when I qualified for the free Gorgeous tshirt, but the material is very thin and lousy.

Then there was a swim suit that didn't have stock for black colour so I chose "sexy little pink". Turns out like some fluorescent light I am too embarrassed to ever wear it.

The bra-top camisole didn't come with padding. It probably didn't mention anything about padding, but my first time buying a "bra-top" from Uniqlo did so I assumed its a bra within a top.

There were 2 simple t-shirt bras that also went wrong. The cutting is such that the middle portion folds tightly INTO the skin. It doesn't just rest on the skin. -_-"

There were only 2 items I don't have complaints about out of 11. Don't know why my friends were raving about VS sale. I mean I've heard abt it so this time I was curious so I ordered some for myself.

** Post update on 31 May: Oh ya I forgot to mention about the box it came in!!! I was expecting a luxurious packaging at least like La Senza, they'd wrap up each item with thin paper, and the box would have VS in gold hot-stamped on... but no, it was a cardboard box that looked like it was left beside a drain for some time and soaked up some drain water! What's worse, there was a lot of space inside the box - I felt cheated of my shipping fees when they could have packed it more compactly!

:: Casa Clementi ::

Hee.. feel motivated to post about our HDB flat application after reading a few blogs.

We applied for Clementi 3-room Standard/4-room flats the day the Sale of Balance Flats Sep Exercise was announced, and got our balloted queue number on 25 Oct this year. Out of 295 available flats, our number is 280! That gives us 15 units left if everybody before us chose theirs. =X

That also gave me very mixed feelings. What if we get a lousy unit facing trees or rubbish chute? Mine at Punggol is already quite bad. I still feel lousy everyday facing the carpark. Now the tree in front of my window has grown to cover up whatever view I have. That makes me resolve to get a higher floor unit possible.

Theodore and I went for a recce around the construction site on 28 Nov. I don't have good photos to show :( but the flats are really almost completed. My cell group friends have been telling me the flats look almost completed. My colleagues were teasing me that I might have to get married by this Christmas, just extend the Christmas service a little longer and announce to all the church members to stay back to witness my wedding LOL.

Every day as I check the HDB website to see which units have been taken I'd be praying that we can get our best unit most suitable for our needs, other people can get theirs, so we won't clash.

I still have many uncertainties. What if we can't afford a 4-room flat? Would we be forced to forgo this application? We still have a choice to apply for 3-room because thank God He knows we are (or I am) indecisive. One moment I'd be hoping for 3-room, the next moment 4-room. I'm pretty fine that for the first few months we would be sleeping in our sleeping bags, no tv, no furniture.. work hard to bring all these in slowly lor.

I was also worried initially about getting the flat so soon. Seems like date of completion might be early next year. That means we have to get married to show marriage certificate by then!! *gasp* Feels like shot-gun, but of a different kind.

Meanwhile I'm doing whatever research I can about wedding, housing... Still have lots of questions. Forums can't seem to address my questions because our situation is unique. Really relying on God every day for His assurance of providence and trusting in Him that He has already prepared each step for us. Indeed getting a queue number on our first try has already been a sign. So there's no looking back already.

:: Big Deal ::

Been receiving emails from lot of "deals" companies. They will send daily offers for various products ranging from restaurant vouchers, tourist attraction vouchers, beauty services vouchers to travel vouchers...

A lot of them are indeed very tempting. Like for example a 2-digit sum for a trip to Batam or $3xx for flight to Hongkong, $30+ for chiropractic consultation session (I would like to correct my posture before it's too late, many of my colleagues complain of backpain.)

Some of these companies have a smart marketing strategy, the condition they lay for the vouchers is that there must be enough people buying it before it's valid. And customers have to recommend a few friends to earn more credits for vouchers.

Okay la, after describing these deals and the up-and-coming companies (Theodore was even considering to venture into starting a ..online thing like this), actually I haven't bought anything. Only contemplated.

If you are thinking of buying these vouchers, especially for beauty services like "91% off *****. Only $38 instead of $430." sounds so attractive right! What a saving! Just a friendly reminder(s): 1. Do you really need the service? 2. Usually the beauty salons will ask you to sign a package. And, the biggest clue given is that its usual price is $430!! One session is definitely not enough to see results. If you think it's usual price is reasonable then go ahead.

I might buy a voucher one day... Just being very careful with my expenditure now.

:: Trends for this half of the year ::

Many of my friends got engaged this year: Jeremy, Tricia, Uncle John, Evelyn, Irene, Hiong Yee, Brenda, Hao, ... and some getting married this 2nd half of 2010, some 1st half of 2011.

Some of my friends got attached... :)

2 couples i know broke up...

I am struggling because I happened to come across a horoscope at the beginning of this year, saying those born in the year of the tiger will experience a cheating in the relationship at the 2nd half of the year. As much as I don't believe in horoscopes, such "predictions" simply stay in the minds of people and keep haunting until something happens and we will link it to what was "predicted". I'm definitely praying it won't happen to me, and that God will protect our relationship. *faith wavers*

Thai Festival @ the Royal Thai Embassy

I'm at the thai embassy now! Some carnival going on.. Bought 3 ceramic pendants and lemongrass drink! :)

:: Dad's birthday celebration ::

Had dinner at Pan Pacific Hotel Global Kitchen with mom, dad and Theodore. It's honestly not fantastic at all. We were there only because it has a 1-for-1 offer. We all felt full pretty fast ...dunno why. I'm blaming it on the carbo. heh. Especially on the dim sum... such thick skin.. disappointing.

The better stuff are the desserts. =)

But the most unique is the variety of tea they have. You can make teapots, free flow!

Other than that... it won't make me go back again.

My gift for daddy is a 2-piece anti-lost device. The receiver will beep when the transmitter is within range. So that he won't have to search high and low for his phone/keys/wallet whenever he is about to leave the house. (He did it again this morning, without using the device though.)