:: on crushes ::

read a friend's blog about her crush on someone i know. i gave her some advice... goes like this:

"... actually, loving someone... by telling him that u love him may actually hurt him somehow. yes it may cause him to notice u more, but it may be make him feel unnatural around u and there'll be somehow a kind of pressure to behave around u in order to continue to give u a good impression. friendships.. developed under that kind of pressure is difficult to remain real. and if he starts to notice u more and becomes interested, it may seem to turn out like an impulse? ..."

who am i to give such advice?! haha.. no wonder i've been single for 3 years. (or more, if i don't count the last silly impulsive "relationship".) had countless crushes over the years, sometimes it's the same person again, triggered by circumstances that bring us working closely together... but i .. sometimes i feel i'm not meant to be loved. like i'm just going to go away from home and settle down elsewhere. or maybe i'm going to die young.

weiting believes if u like someone u shld tell him. i used to do that.. but now i believe in what i quoted above. somehow telling that someone is a selfish act? like to make urself noticed that kinda thing..

sometimes i convince myself i don't need a boyfriend (i just bought a t-shirt that says "Explain to me AGAIN why I need a boyfriend"), sometimes i doubt my stand. sometimes i desire the sweetness of being in love, sometimes i loathe the lovey-dovey-ness of couples. it's a cycle over and over again.