:: stupid sia ::

i'm being shifted around in Blk L level 3.... now in a lab where other pple can juz look sideways n peep in.... argh... i'm facing the window, n beside it is a guy beside the window... ...

then.. now can sign in liao... hope i can wake up earlier everyday!! or else i will be marked late everyday... =x

umm.. haiz juz some thots,
i wish pple dun treat me as a child, so they will take me seriously when i am serious..
i wish pple dun treat me as an adult so tt they wun load me with responsibilities n judge me as an adult!!
with power comes greater responsibilities...

turning 19 this yr... like halfway between teenager n adulthood.... argh... sux.. dun wanna celebrate my birthday except with my 2 best frenz..

:: apple and creative ::

i din noe apple n creative r rivals.. =( very upset today abt michael's mp3 player... so new some more.. kinda beginning to feel tt i v suay, everything i touch will spoil... andrew's comp crashed the moment i arrived at his place.. then today i tried to transfer files from my ibook over to michael's mp3 player, my ibook hang at first.. so i forced it to shut down. then i kept trying to make things happen, in the end caused his mp3 player to hang.. i guess there's a lesson learnt... apple n creative can nv work together. =x

felt irresponsible. supposed to take charge of things, but i procrastinate a lot.. a bit reluctant to call pple up to coordinate things also.. honestly i can say tt when my job is done i'll be saying 'thank God itz over', rather than 'thank God i learnt this n this lesson from it all'.... tt shldn't be the case heh. gotta change my mindset lor.

do work do work do work do work do work.......

quite angry with my dad for not telling me tt his hp spoil!! tried to contact him but couldn't... until he reach Expo already.. then i had to take one hour to travel there by mrt myself. =(

:: chill ::

i can't stand guys who... LIKES CUTE THINGS!!!
YUCKS!

hmm anyway.. update abt my life.. hmm thurs i was experiencing discouragement cuz my work is simply no good enuf.. ms lim simply says my illustration doesn't look 3d enuf n my partner tell me tt cannot use tt illustration, gotta do another one.. but my work style is like tt ma.. all the graphics were started by me, improved by him.. so i did the groundwork this time too, expecting him to help me refine.. but seems like he's not happy abt tt.. i rely on him too much? he seems to complain of too much work to do n i dump my workload on him too... haiz.. i realli dunno wad to say or do... so friday i felt very lost.. i even woke up late... like 11+am... dunno wad happened to me sia.. too tired.. v little rest thruout the week.. i dunno shld i go sch or not.. but have to meet deborah abt club crawl stuff so i went...

friday stayed back longer..although itz International Eat-With-Ur-Family day.. -.- my parents... going to changi village for dinner, i have to meet shirley bong to show her my progress for the mentor publicity.. haiz.. my progress not enuf... somemore in sch i dun realli dare to do outside sch work... or else my partner will buey song.. ... thank God shirley treated me to dinner~! save money again! hehehz. had cabonara at pasta mania.. i haven't been eating alot these days so tt meal was considered very filling to me! i couldn't bite anymore.. so i passed the bacon in my plate to chris.. he shaved his hair.. whoa.. b4 i saw tt itz him i thot he's some other mentor tt i nv met b4! shirley n i went to delifrance at the capitol theatre (ermz.. i dun realli noe building names well) ordered a vanilla frappe.. hmm spent $2, shirley forked out the rest..

can't rem which day i stayed up till 4am.. usually i stay up till 2am.. for these few weeks onli.. after all these i'm gonna have a good rest!!

sat had a prayer workshop.. on my way out from home i wondered if i shld go... i haven paid anyway.. a lot of work not done also.. but juz felt tt i cld use tt time to be ministered to... time (i stay home do work without inspiration) = time (go out get inspiration then do work faster..) so.. i went lor.. was 1 hr late la.. turns out my cell grp nv register for me.. so i registered on the spot lor.. listened to uncle david tok abt listening... then it was lunch time... hoho.. like lucky draw, my first pick on the food packets was my favourite choice!~ got chicken wing, rice, EGG! n nice chili.. :D ;D :D when i opened it i was like.. "HOHO~!!" hehehehe...

anyway the prayer workshop was quite ok onli.. i was lost during their role play.. 3 pple were toking abt prayer request, according to a script, i think.. then halfway rev daven cut in to explain stuff.. but i dunno wad they were trying to convey wor.. =x anyway maybe itz arrangement by God tt i shld sit beside auntie april, i noe her thru her son abraham who grew up together with all of us in sunday school... but he's backslided.. so prayed for him.. i believe God is going to do a great work!

after tt went to sentosa apply for the islander card... hmm.. sometime during this wk i muz go take a nice passport photo!! hehe v happy.. muz thank Jasmine my twin for accompanying me hehe.. then went to harbourfront to buy toiletries for shirley cuz there's SFC camp in church. went back to continue working on the flash.. but i was stuck... the movieclip kept looping in the same frame.. so i msged darius, called hilwan, msged seniors to help.. had dinner, leftover from the SFC camp.. thank God for providing free dinner again!! then went to prepare for worship practice.. great time..

esther drove me to andrew's place to continue working on the flash.. i dunno is it i suay or wad.. the moment i reached, andrew's comp crashed.. he couldn't retrieve the file he did for 2 hours... effort gone?~ haiz...i also cannot do anything to help.. then shirley came.. his comp crashed again.. o.0? doesn't like visitors?? uh.. around 2+am then shirley took taxi to church, n i went to slp. wanted to wake up at 5.30 am to prepare to go home, to prepare to go church. in the end woke up at 7+am... esther called.. so she brought her clothes for me, n drove me to church.. thank God for esther!

i sum up the day with guitar course.. v tired, but i dunno y juz cannot nap.. helped out with the refreshments.. haha.. then esther drove me home.. went to slp immediately.. until 9+pm.. my parents bought mac back =( i wanted to quit eating mac for a long while.. i thot they wld buy ramly burger from johor.. =( !!! go msia shld buy more special stuff back ma! hAIYE

wanted to slp on till the next day, but got things to do.. hmm.. ok i shan't complain anymore la..

later gonna call hx to tok abt something tt's starting to bother me... not abt work or guys. =x u all think tt's wad we tok abt heh?? haha jk la..

:: ups and downs ::

feeling a bit sad rite now..

the ogls r planning outing again...

maybe they're kind enuf to include me in their conversation...

maybe they're insensitive to the fact tt i cannot join them...

my designs were rejected today...

maybe i juz need to improve on them...

maybe i juz wan to give up... he's not giving me a chance lor...

my phone going to spoil liao sia...

maybe itz time to get a new phone...

maybe i shall become uncontactable for a while...

:: thank God!!! ::

u noe wad? i didn't spend a single cent today!!

thank God for His providence!

reached sch late..(again...) supposed to show ms lim some work... then i called her n left a voice message tt i'm sorry for being late lor.. she's forever not at her desk lor...

but i dun wanna c her la... so i'm glad i'm not around whenever she visits... but then i dun wanna give her the impression tt i nv do work lor.. pls la... i make things easier for my partners by doing the groundwork... i'm not the kind who can touch up on design...

went to pass my cartridge paper pad to gab at blk M, shun bian chat chat a bit with the ogls... meet jonathan n hx during lunch to catch up with each other... i cooked noodles to eat b4 i went out (since i was late already..erm =x.) so i didn't eat in sch la.. but hx treated me to bubble tea! thanks hx! it was great having tt meeting cuz it juz reminded me of the fun n relaxed times in thailand... it was a last minute meeting decided last nite after we chatted with mai n kikko..

of cuz i went off like tt, for one n a half hours.. (hey not as long as the "3 hour break" algernon always say cailing takes lor) whatever~ jinwen had to warn me to go back n do work.. haha suddenly i feel v lousy... umm.. i shall not go on.

anyway, after sch i went to visit the ogls again for half an hour like tt... then went to take bus to amk, then to bishan to go andrew's place.. thank God, i have enuf time to take bus, cuz i got bus concession ma.. reached bishan n met shirley. thank God andrew's mom cooked, so i can save on dinner.. it was a great homecooked meal! ate heartily, with icecream n mango pudding n guilinggao to follow... gosh...!

thank God andrew drove me home.. n i told them tt my vocal's training exam is coming up.. so they helped me suggest songs tt may be suitable for my voice! they analysed a bit like wad kinda songs is my type... etc.. so nice~! but i was stoned after staying n eating there for a few hours... haha... reached home not long ago...

:: my financial situation n gen 12 commissioning ::

ok guys let me share with u abt my financial situation...

i'm currently broke.. i dun ask my parents for extra money except on special occasions... i usually get har sib dollars per week.. but this week, wad i need to spend on... :

taxi fare to church on sunday - $14.30
monday's expenses on food (thank God for caleb for treating me to prata) - $2.80
my kelas bahasa fees (i'm taking the 9th lesson this level already yet i still haven't paid!) - $20
alkitab (indonesian language bible - IF possible) - $12
prayer workshop on saturday - $4
cell grp fund (for 4 months) - $8
islander card (the application fee is increasing with effect from 1st Jun so better get the card b4 then) - $15
owe kwek money for belly's present - $8

total - $84 - - - well past my weekly allowance

let me share abt wad else i need to spend on after this week :

monthly sponsorship fee for my son Nelson - $30
coming mission trip to tanjung balai excluding subsidy - $50
running shoes - ~$120
gift for parents - ~$90

total - $290 - - - will take me ~2 months to save up to this amount, provided i dun eat, which is IMPOSSIBLE
n of cuz if including meals for a glutton like me... i'll need God's providence n miracles to survive..

thanks guys for reading all these... note tt the above message means DON'T TEMPT ME BY SUGGESTING FINE EATING PLACES/ACTIVITIES. i'm gonna stay home for meals whenever possible already la.

anyway today.. went to Foochow Methodist Church for Spiritual Multipliers (SM) training. n commissioning for the pple going on mission trips this week. had 3 X teh/teh tarik today... (4, if including the ice lemon tea i sipped from shirley's cup). the worship session was good, i kinda prayed tt it wld last forever hahaha... starting to wonder, if onli i can learn bass guitar... sounds fun.. n the coolest thing today is tt i met esther cheong......in the middle of Little India!! of all places lor!! haha... cuz she's going for the commissioning too.. then she kinda lost her way haha..

the message brought by Holly Sheldon was good too... makes "going out" an exciting thing! blessed the mission trippers with prayers.. anyway i was sharing with gloria abt the SM training.. i was rather angry (when i say angry usually itz an emotion in my heart tt i dun realli express) actually.. cuz today is my only holiday n yet the SM training had to take up half the day... but it was good in a way it dug out a problem tt i have.. if i dun expose this problem n pray abt it, it wld probably grow within me like a parasite. ok, wad else? hmm i missed bowling with the ogls today... simply no time.. besides if gab not going cuz she's doing her studio project, it wld be unfair to her if i go. n abt my meeting with shirley today.. hmm, gotta say sorry cuz i was stoning half the time.. dunno y so tired...

hmm yday was yau's bday if i nv rem wrongly.. i had the insane idea of calling him to c if his voice is realli the same voice as "Calvin" 's! haha... in the end i nv la.. dunno y i always plan to do some things but forget to do in the end de....

:: my heart bleeds ::

i finally saw the kitten again... it juz kept mewing at me... when i keep quiet, it keeps quiet too.. well i've tried to communicate with it for like 10 min... but decided to give up cuz it ran away... mr calvin, our orientation camp trainer saw me too... haha.. but when i think of itz mewing my heart juz felt pain for it... maybe u might think itz insane la.. but my love for cats cannot be described by words, but onli by the pain i feel, to leave them alone, calling out for food, for company...

today... the ogls had meeting... i wan to join them for activities, but cannot... (sigh i noe i say this a lot of times already) okok i'll try to focus on my work n stop thinking abt having fun. but difficult to focus on work leh... the working environment in blk L juz sucks. they keep having VIPS coming over... dunno for wad sia... always muz act hardworking, wear the lanyard.... argh... sorry for saying all these... not wad an angel shld say... :( maybe can say tt i'm not in gd mood recently ba...

campus crusade... haiya, christine put me in charge of worship for monday's gathering... i'm not in the rite spiritual condition wor.. i noe tt all the more i shld discipline myself RITE NOW to get rite with God, but ... haiz.. my mindset is, EVERYBODY OWES ME A HOLIDAY! NOW!! monday is a holiday...i realli wan to stay at home to pack my stuff, arrange them.... nowadays so busy i go home juz put my bag down... wadever i buy also put aside... no time to appreciate... sucks..

anyway... now itz half an hour more to my sis birthday... i dunno wad i can get her... uh... sms? hmm... HAPPY BIRTHDAY~! have a great time in Ko Samui!

:: u noe u're a... when.... ::

u noe u're a... computer geek when... u tok abt Windows n Dos in a room.
u noe u're a... web designer when... u joke abt www.guanyinma.com for talismans to burn n drink.
u noe u're a... photographer if taking out a camera is the first thing on ur mind when u come across a traffic accident.

ok, wad else.

u guys got any to add? haha.

:: good la! ::

the ogls n some of the yr 3s having holidays now... they like ping ming go out lor... i v poor thing stuck in sch... but today got chance *hehe* went for SDN club meeting... the meeting like none of my business lor.. i join the resource coordination team like for nothing sia... as a sch of design club we all r equipped with the skills to design stuff for publicity ma... y give tt job onli to publicity team? hmm..sorry ah, but i'm still dwelling on this question.

anyway went into FYP room do a bit of work then sian, v cold.. came out to take a walk.. went to find the ogls.. they were at th sports stadium there, some were playing bball, some playing card games.. i joined them for a while then went for cca.

after cca called them to join them for dinner. we took bus all the way to bishan then we got separated cuz we couldn't settle on one place to eat.. i got a bit hot tempered la, make me come to bishan n then cannot fellowship together.. think shaun noticed it, even tho i juz raised my voice.. i tried to look jokingly angry...

had ban mian at S11.. chatted after we finished our meals.. helped them make plans for tmr but it was rejected by sheralyn's "tmr rest la"... haha... bo wei gong.

went to cafe cartel to sit down for drink... left at 10pm... reached home around 11.30 lor.. dunno wad my mom gonna say eh.. cuz yday i reached home late too... went out with ting.. met her at 8+pm.. i read a whole book on photography... v interesting n inspiring... then sat at shaw house the macCafe until 10+pm..

:: deuhk laew ::

so late already...wad am i doing online?

well.. i got a lot of things to do but no mood to do.. now learning thai from a book i borrowed last week. been borrowing the same book abt 3-4 times already, always can't finish it cuz there's a lot to learn.. there's a lot of exercises to do too..

now hx is working nite shift... kinda wan to accompany her haa.. but i sure cannot endure the whole nite... going to slp soon..

last nite i nv dream.. finally.. n today was quite a bad day... met many pple tt made me go "argh!".. hmm..
anyway it has been proven thru experience tt i can wake up earlier, the later i slp. so..

*itz kinda stupid to put a secret on a public blog la... so i've decided to remove it.*

:: think too much ::

suddenly i become v emotional... shit.

tt nutcase called me again, this time his name is Calvin, but he's still looking for Geraldine. -.-" can someone send him to mental hospital? i still wan to go malaysia one lor..

:: funny dreams again ::

to nic: haha i dun rem very clearly abt my nitemares la.. onli vaguely wad happened... cuz when i woke up i try to rem the details... or else i will forget very quickly..

anyway sat nite i dreamt tt i left my bag in city hall... in the middle of the nite i woke up my dad to send me there to get my bag back... i was praying tt it wouldn't be lost, cuz my wallet with my IC is inside... the thing is, city hall isn't wad it actually looks... it looks more foreign, like european kinda place.. then my house doesn't look like my house, not even my old home! looks more like a chinese home (i seem to rem there was an altar?? :S

then last nite i dreamt tt my sis returned to singapore today.. she didn't tell us.. n i dunno y i went to changi airport n happen to c her juz arrive.. haha.. but i have no chance to entertain her cuz i gotta go sch... hahaha..

i realise i quite long nv update abt my whereabouts... too much abt dreams... haha.. hmm last wk quite busy, as usual.. monday went to tan tock seng hospital to get a jab but didn't. i think i mentioned tt..

then tuesday supposed to have dg, but i still couldn't confirm it so i went home after my worship practise with deborah. din come for FYP cuz supposed to go zoo, but my partner bringing his gf...

wed left FYP around 3pm to prepare n lead worship for LM.

thur stayed back until 6+ then took mrt to orchard, walked around borders n kinokuniya to confirm there's the magazine called Tropical. itz sold for S$6. not bad la.. if next month the Old Phuket Hotel gets featured, i might buy it la. anyway haven't seen tt mag sold in other stores.

fri went home for dinner, but mom was in chinatown... so dad n i had to have dinner by ourselves. he asked me whether i wanna go "blk 198 (in punggol) or changi", i asked "changi where?" he said "changi village lor" then i say "can ah!" hahaha weee good food!~ had bak kut teh n pig's trotters... yummy..... went home n watch tv.. the ch 8 fann wong show last episode.. i onli started watching it halfway thru the serial.

sat went to church earlier to meet shirley bong to talk abt the publicity for mentors. then cell grp.. went back after cell grp.. met my parents in hougang for dinner.. had thai chinese cuisine! i told my mom tt when i eat with them i can save my own money... uh-oh i think they're starting to think tt i'm being money-minded... then very weird my mom started to compare me with my cousin.. she juz mentioned tt my cousin is able to work while studying, able to pay for her driving lessons, etc... argh! i want to work also, but i simply have no time! usually jobs require weekends, n i commit my weekends to church wor.. my weekday nites r for me to rest after school lor.... want me to overwork meh...

sunday woke up around 8+, late for church, after i prepare all tt.. after service went to tend the guitar course registration booth... next week is the course already!~ haha.. hmm.. jac n jeff waited for me to wrap up, n the rest of my cell grp were still at the bus stop.. caught up with them n went to AV for lunch.. hmm if onli they went harbourfront this week.. =X cuz i was going to meet my frenz to go for the NAFA graduation show... i was super late, being the organiser.. =X!!! pai seh... sorry to all! i feel bad to say tt i have been busy collecting namecards tt i nv realli appreciate their art work... oops... but got a bit of inspiration of wad to do thru their works.. maybe i might go down again someday to realli look thru.

from there we walked to the church i study Bahasa in to take bus to Zouk. there was a flea market... i used to be v enthusiastic abt it, but nowadays a bit sian, probably itz becuz i wasn't successful when i applied for a stall the last round..? hehe.. so petty.. anyway bought a.. wad to call it, bracelet? for myself n for darius, since he like the one i bought form thailand so much.. after tt slack in the winebar... until around 6+pm then we started to move off.. we were going to esplanade for some concert... walked all the way there from Zouk!!!~ v tired, but saw a lot of nice stuff to photograph along the way... cool~! hx n i talked along the way... v nice time...

when we reach esplanade the concert was starting, i realise itz the kind of music i dun like..so i decided to walk around esplanade instead... hx joined me, then shaun n wendy also.. we walked to marina square for dinner... i dun like Long John's... so i nv eat..ordered a clam chowder but it kinda sucks.. (to my standard it sucks) then darius n herman joined us, then kevin. around 9+pm we walked back to esplanade to find the rest.. gab still wanted to hang out.. i dun mind.. wanted to find out how the new club at Fullerton looks like.. so juz walked there.. then walked to boat quay to find a jazz pub to sit n chat.. ended up walking a big round... hx n wushan left. we settled in TCC... decided to save money so i din order any drink. kenneth sent me home.. hehe.. thanks v much~! reached home around 12.30am... mom asked how come i came back so late but i dunno how to answer her.. hmm..

this morning hx called at 7.30am to wake me up... but i still lie in bed, want to slp somemore.. hehe..

:: nitemare II ::

nitemares often come in more than one nite sia.. last nite dreamt of some weird old building too.. it has many rooms, like a hospital or sch.. the building is white.. it was around afternoon like tt..

there were my IM frenz... n 2 old/middle aged men (cheats)... i simply dun like the way they look.. i had brought more than $100 with me during my stay at that building.. n i rem being in a room with my parents n the 2 cheats.. they were explaining n promoting something to them, while i was sitting back n looking at the beautiful scenery (sunset) outside the big window..

i dun exactly rem the sequence of everything, but there were parts tt i rem.. like hilwan, jinwen they all were sitting on a ledge on the 2nd or 3rd storey, n joking abt leaning back n pretend to fall.. then someone tripped wan, but he escaped tt trip.. but he lost his balance n tried to land properly.. n he did.. then dunno wad already la..

also got another nite i dreamt tt i was in a primary school.. supposed to be my pri sch but it didn't look like at all.. the building was blue and yellow... beside the sch was a compound where the principal n his family stayed. none of my frenz were there... it was around evening time.. i rem running around, trying to find a way out.. i could c outside but couldn't seem to find the exit.. i even asked the principal for directions to get out.. the outside looks like pandan reservoir, my sec sch environment... i saw a snake somewhere n tried to notify someone.. anyway.. can't rem much abt those nitemares..

:: sad sia ::

i had 2 flowers at first.. then this morning i saw the can overturned (but still on my ledge tho) n one of my flowers had dropped!! i scared it might juz die like tt then i put it into a container...

anyway juz now i called up kino n borders to ask abt this travel mag called Tropic for my sis.. i prefer calling borders cuz they play jazz while they put me on hold.. i feel the operator was much more polite too... maybe later b4 my kelas i'll go either one to check it out...

sch's boring, as usual...

:: nitemare ::

had some weird dreams..maybe i wun call it nitemare cuz it wasn't very bad dreams.. i was at church.. leading worship i think.. then i told either ting or judy abt it.. ting came to support me.. haha.. when i saw her i screamed "ah lian!!" i thot i saw judy... hmm.. i think i mixed them up... =X

then i rem my dad was in front presenting something i dunno.. i also rem there was a wedding service... n the groom was ANDY (LI)!! i asked ting how old is he already, she said 40 yrs old already.. (whoa...) his bride had red hair wor..

after the wedding service the couple drove away from church n i got a lift from them to go just outside the church... some ogls were sitting there n chatting -.-"

then i went back inside the church to go toilet.... the church was actually in quite a rundown state.. =X then ting was waiting outside for me n making sure no one comes in cuz there was no door to the toilet....! i heard guys' voices outside tho.. i came out n saw kelvin n jon yap... hahhahaa... later dunno how already... the church realli looks like the state it was in 15 yrs ago... when i was v young!!

vinee bloom

vinee bloom
Originally uploaded by djgemz.

this was taken on the 9th may 2005... look wad happens the next day~!

vinee full bloom
Originally uploaded by djgemz.

wee!! this is the 2nd day of bloom!~ the petals r open wide already!

:: break ::

at this point in time i juz wan a break... a retreat...

i felt angry for not getting a holiday altho i deserve it...
i felt angry for being so poorly organised...
i felt angry for not being able to find my vaccination card..
i felt angry for oversleeping every day...

i muz commit my anger n my burdens to the Lord, n allow Him to minister to me...

rite now i'm feeling better... went home to slp after i went to tan tock seng hospital... supposed to get my 2nd dose of Hep A vaccination but none of my frenz r taking it, cuz it costs $40... supposed to go back to sch at 6 for prayer meeting with Campus crusade.. but i felt tt i need time to rest n get myself together b4 doing anything...

realli felt better now...

juz finished preparing the slides for worship... may God always be here with me.

:: super broke ::

haiz... if onli my sis can send money to me... i'm broke!!!

bought new clothes for dallas' wedding, gotta pack red packet for him.. spent $8.50 on movie n $38 on ktv last week... i've got to pay the sponsorship fee for my "son".. overdue already lor.. my mom has been v kind to subsidise $60 for the red packet, my dad gave me $50 last last week for "juz in case"..... i feel v bad to have spent them already... i regret going ktv actually....

anyway.. today i wanted to look pretty pretty... it was difficult... cuz i dunno how to apply eye shadow, kena my eye until it turned red like some ghost sia.. put glitter on my eye but decided it was not a gd idea... in the end i smudged it all over my face... :S everyone asked mi if i'm very tired at the end of the wedding ceremony.. -.-

but was v happy for the couple... kinda glad tt for a while i dun need to think abt work or other stuff... i even switched my hp to silent mode the whole day to avoid calls.. yeah i went back to the escapist mode where i dun wan to answer any calls.

went to hougang mall for dinner with my parents.. had a lot of food sia... sambal kangkong, green curry chicken, sotong you tiao, braised beef, cereal prawns.. n rice. didn't get anything for her or godma for mother's day cuz i'm broke.. =(

:: bad day ::

today is quite a bad day.... yday also.... kena pangseh... after my indo class i asked gab if the ogls r still hanging out... she said they will wait for me.. juz when i reach amk they left already... but at least gab n some of them stayed to wait for me la...

honest time again... i dun feel v happy helping my cca do stuff... not tt they dun appreciate or dun treat me nice... but i juz dun like... christine asked me to meet her yday to ask me if i can co-lead dg with her... i have no reason to say no.. then lynn asked mi if i can lead worship for LM last wk.. i told her i got orientation, can onli lead next week... n she realli scheduled me to lead worship next wk.. then she told me wad to do, cuz it wld be my 1st time.. i have to select the songs, prac with my worship team by wed lor.. dunno tue going zoo or not.. =( juz now deborah called to ask wad time we can meet up.... then she kinda scolded me for poor time management.. if i have fypj i shldn't have agreed to leading worship... i feel damn sad now... =(

then this morning the lecturer in charge of my fyp called me while i was on my way to sch, cuz i was late again... she noticed i haven't been around due to the orientation so she told me to work harder... =( sian... i dun like to do this fyp, esp when my mind tells me tt i shld be having my hols now instead of doing work in sch....

pray for me for motivation...

:: haven't been a good angel ::

hmm... feel kinda moody these days... pms...

juz feel tt i haven been a good girl... my friends always call me angel, but lately i dun feel like one..

been suaning pple until quite jia lat.. then i get offended v easily.. a lot of careless words juz come out of mouth.. i realise tt i tell lies too.. honestly, dunno if algernon is reading this.. =X this morning i woke up late... when he called me i was awake for a while already but i kinda acted like i realli juz woke up... to buy time perhaps... but i juz dun have motivation to do fyp, no motivation to go zoo with him to take photos... muz pray tt i will change this mindset...

been badmouthing pple too.. like torrence.. itz bad, not rite to do tt, but i juz tell pple who dunno him, how he's like.. hmm.. i also get irritated easily by pple around me... like juz now i was ordering food for dinner.. the china woman juz looked past mi n ask the guy behind me wad he wan to order.. i so pissed off lor. then i quickly shouted my order.. haha so kiasu.. but i juz keep giving a very pissed off look, to show tt "hey dun make me angry".. n today i find someone v irritating... but i try not to show it.

ok honestly too, i juz dun like pple from china.. those type who push their way thru a crowd, those who expect pple to pay them for acting as extras (among so many pple from other countries tt day in chinatown, they were realli the onli ones who r like tt).. those who steal pple's husbands... those who make so much noise (they juz like to talk loudly huh)... ok i'm wrong to have discrimination against anyone... but i'm juz being honest abt it.. i dun act friendly in front of them.. i juz dun tok to them n dun like to hang out near them.

hmm muz pray for me to get over this feeling... itz realli not something a Christian shld do.. maybe avoiding them might help easing the "hatred"? haha...

actually i haven been gd, becuz i haven been spending enuf time with God.. every nite i read Psalms n draw lessons from each chapter, n trying to translate a indonesian daily bread, but i haven't been putting my heart into hearing God speak... it was more like getting it over n done with.... shouldn't be the case....

pray for me ok, my friends!

n yina is rite, liking someone becuz he/she looks gd is superficial... i have been superficial... but i kinda got used to this sorta lifestyle... can i continue? or shld i change? suddenly i juz dun have the 'feeling' to wan to fall in love... but i've been wondering if pple wonder y i dun have bf? anyway there's this saying i still find true: you are not wad u think u are. you are wad u think i think u r. uh get wad i mean? in another words, i am not wad i think i am. i am wad i think u think i am. understand better?

PICT8063

PICT8063
Originally uploaded by djgemz.

ok i think i dun look nice here.. haha..

:: pa-toh-ing ::

haha i went patohing with my ah lian huixiang today~!

woke up blur blur wondering where my parents have gone to... was quite upset.. they always disappear one lor... almost called to ask them where r they when i suddenly remembered my mom asked me wan to go safra or not... n i kinda rem replying her "gai tian la" (means "another day, lah").. haha!

anyway went online for a while then prepared to go out to meet hx at chinatown..

we walked around temple st first, saw a stall n then decided to try on a dress... it makes me look fat... no figure.. haha.. so dun wan.. my purpose of going out today is to source for evening gown for dallas' wedding dinner! went to this fashion n tried on several pieces of clothes... some looks realli nice, but today is not the day to buy them... anyway this fashion clothes getting more n more expensive sia..

took bus to lavender to pei hx look at her attachment work place.. quite ulu lor... :S we got off a stop after the rite one.. cuz we couldn't get to the door in time.. stupiak pple block our way... :@! walked back to lavender mrt tt stop n went inside a Zen Tradition showroom.. got weird smell sia.. i like the furniture, but no money to buy hahaha..

took quite a few photos along the way...

walked to bugis n on the way we stopped at ya kun's kaya toast... wasn't feeling in the best of mood... ordered kaya toast set for hx n cheese toast set for myself... the auntie served the toasts n i asked whether itz the cheese one. she juz said "ya", without telling us which one is the cheese one... n turned out all of those r NOT cheese ones! stupiak! i went to ask for my cheese toast n then they finally serve one to me... ...

oh ya i mentioned we were walking to bugis.. we went inside seiyu n walked around... saw peilin n her bf.. went upstairs to Muji to find my cousin who works there.. she was v busy... haha.. anyway we continued to shop... bought a top from this shop called Double index.. i was very worried cuz 1stly i'm not v sure how maroon colour looks like n 2ndly also not sure if the top matches the skirt n 3rdly whether i'll look formal enuf for the occasion or not.

went to the this fashion at bugis to buy the skirt tt i tried on in the chinatown branch.. walked to bras basah the bus stop.. played with a cat there...v cute!!! then hx asked me if i knew abt this phone number 6333 1411. i nv heard of it so i dialled the number lor... heard something funny.... forwarded a msg to some of my frens to call tt number too.. hahaha... most replied "wad the hell.." haha!

boarded bus 33 to chinatown... had dim sum (yummy!~~~) n chinese tea.. was worrying if i have enuf money to pay sia.... but thank God we have juz enuf money.. hehe... took mrt home..

haiya have to send email to freshmen for my cca again.. honestly i feel irritated to keep sending email.. esp when i nv save their contacts, n some of the email accounts r void... haiz.. keep receiving bounced mail.. stupiak.

:: happening ::

friday the ogls were having their meeting... i wan to join them but too bad i got fyp.. but i occasionally pop by to c how their discussion is coming along.. then at the fyp i felt quite pissed with the lecturer in charge.. cuz she came in to save the work into her zip disk... she changed some settings on the comp n i couldn't access some files after tt... then she kinda dumped the problem for me to solve lor...

christine called me to send notice to freshmen regarding the bbq on sat.. then jasmine n vincent came to my sch... i had something to discuss with jasmine ma, so i asked weiyang to come join us also... so tt vincent wun feel outta place. we went to orchard.. bought movie tickets to the movie Divergence at Shaw Lido, then went downstairs to get something to bite during the movie. the movie not very nice.. i dun like the ending cuz daniel wu died in the show... =( haha...

after the movie jasmine n i found out tt we r both born on the same day!!! wow! kinda the first friend i have whose birthday is same day as me!

anyway we went to kbox at cineleisure... i dun have money on me la.. but felt deprived of karaoke-ing... so i decided to borrow from the guys.. we started at 10pm... ended at 4am... funny tt i actually dun lose my voice singing the whole nite... usually i lose my voice after singing a while... took photos... v cool.. weiyang can sing... jasmine also.. gd... vincent sing until he block nose but still continue to sing...

took taxi to jasmine's house to stay over... she has a dog.. dun lick me can liao.... she woke mi up around 9 or 10+ am.. i should have left earlier..cuz meeting shirley bong in the afternn in church.. but i muz go home first... in the end i couldn't make it in time... i reached home at 1.45pm lor... but then again.. when i stayed at her house a bit longer i got the chance to see her photos n also help her as she prepare to go out.

went home n bathed.... felt quite bad cuz i haven't been spending much time at home this week... got nagged by my mom.. felt a little back ache cuz i nv slp n rest enuf...

went out again, to cell grp... tired... after cell grp had vitra then went home.. bought cup noodles along my way home.. wanted to eat after i bathe.. but my dad asked mi go out eat with him... i heck care abt my clothes.. i was in singlet n shorts lor.. haha..

anyway this morning i was late for church service hahaha... saw brian tan.. felt quite tired during the sermon but managed to stay awake. chris was preaching n i found one part meaningful.. refining silver.. is a tedious work, the silversmith sits n keeps his eyes on the workpiece, making sure it is not under- or over-burned. once he can see his reflection on the workpiece, he noes tt the refining process is completed.

went for lunch with m'kaddesh.. saw my god-parents... long time no tok to them liao... found out tt amber is learning thai in sch!! cool!! asked her to teach me thai too... =P

went back to church at 2pm.. prac dallas' wedding item.. i'm part of the 12-men choir hohoho... prac untl 4... quite fast i wld say... esther came back from india! she drove mi n elena n shirley to city hall... i took mrt to bishan to go to ogl ic's house for their meeting... quite happening..

had dinner with them n joked abt pairing them up... mi ended up being paired up with someone too.. -.- haiyo~ went home by bus 156 with nic n ina... had cup noodles for dinner... watched Enter the Phoenix... part of it, actually... i think itz nice.. maybe i'll get the vcd? or maybe juz save up the money for House of Fury... haiz.. missed tt movie....