:: Carou-buy ::

Can't stand it anymore!

Why don't you Carousell me away and Caroubuy another wife!

:: Woe is me ::

It's Carousell again. He's been shopping every night before bed, buying $20, $30 stuff that I don't even care about. Says they are for the home.

This morning was the ultimate moment. He just bought a $20 piece of decor last night and needed $100 to pay off something. He expected me to withdraw readily for him and pass the money to him this morning. He dragged me out of bed to the supermarket to withdraw it because I didn't do that last night. What a jerk!

I had married a man with increasing debts and I feel so sorry for myself. A man who cannot provide for his family and is not responsible for his spending. Blames it on my spending instead.

To date he has not cleared his decades-long debt of $8000 with his best friend, been withdrawing money ($1400 now) from our joint account like it's his personal credit card, almost agreed immediately to install aircon in the living room ($3000?) and his friend told him no hurry to return. That means never, John. Together we owe his aunt and late grandmother $19000 for the downpayment when we bought this flat.

He's been telling his friends that he hopes we'll have twins. I want to punch his head every time I hear that.

I'm just crying every night praying that his addiction will be broken and that he'll be able to come to his senses and realise how much it's affecting me.

:: Tables of Grief ::

These are the tables of grief, every time I see/think of them I cry.

:: been a long while ::

Facebook is too public.. So is Twitter (I don't even have an account) so it's back to good ol' blogger.

Been feeling depressed lately. A sense of loss. I quit my job and have no plans from April onwards. It also means that I am open to anything, anything at all.

Husband does not love me. Picks on little things that I don't even..

I would go Bkk on my own if things don't work out by then.

Staff asks for last min replacement.. The problem I hate most about this job. Well, at least I'm leaving.

Looking at photos of home decor I feel like crying when I think of the current status of my living room and bedroom 2.

My heart aches.

On a brighter note, on my solo adventure last night with God, He brought me to explore Tiong Bahru and almost got lost.. 

But there was a nice view on the overhead bridge above CTE.

Looking forward to my trip where I would get myself lost once in a while!