=(

feeling rather upset with myself...

getting older, uglier, fatter, ....

dunno y i juz dun feel happy as easily as before..... itz like my classmates can laugh n laugh over some joke n i wld be beside them, thinking to myself, "wad's so funny abt tt?" of cuz i dun spoil the mood by saying tt to them.. but i juz walk away, feeling unamused..

itz serious..... wad happened to the joker part of me? is it becuz i'm getting old? gosh i feel backaches r coming..... my teeth r falling n my hair is dropping.... i feel depressed!!


hmm...... hope i get thru this state.... 2005!!! itz the 2nd month already~!

weng heng's silly smile..hahaha 

The Old Phuket cocktail 

on the sawng taew to phuket central 

pastor keng lock n children in tanjung balai 

yep & bangkok students in surin 

sch in surin 

i borrowed a book on Indonesia... saw a pic of a mother orangutan n her baby.... her baby VERY cute!!! i'm starting to take a liking for monkeys... hahaha..

anyway today v happening ah. dreamt abt some guy, woke up early in the morning, went for breakfast with family in chinatown (dim sum!!!~ =D~~~), walked around with sis - tempted by the stuff there but decided not to spend money - asked my parents to buy mochi... ooh i love tt...

took bus to harbourfront to walk ard.... i walked around the cruise centre....missed balai a lot!!!! but there seems to be some renovation work going on... dunno still got ferry trips available or not.. i wish i could buy a ticket to batam right away..

frenky pls come back!

went to meet my cell grp for outing at west coast park... had wanted to go earlier n reminise(?) abt tt place... visit my old hse.. but lazy ba..

played games until i was super stinky n shagged(~)

took taxi to church with nel nat n serene. stayed until 9+ for worship prac... esther drove mi home.. yeah~! tried to influence her to like thai music too hehehehe...

got a book review to do... so last minute sia... (haiz i dun like to do reviews)... u noe i got a sch assignment, need to do web reviews... so far i onli got 1...v reluctant one hahhaa... at www.angel-assignment1.blogspot.com hee

hmm... uh-oh itz 12 liao i gotta continue read the article n bia review liao~!

honestly, i'm still v traumatised by the phone call... i'm quite sure itz him... i dunno wad to do if he calls again.. i got a fear of calls from a private number.....

haiyo my sis finally told shirley n esther tt she's back so now i can write abt her existence in singapore.

went to sch yday for 3D make up lesson.... v boring sia i dun like 3D.. but i can't guarantee tt in future i still wun like it... some things once u get the hang of it u'll enjoy doing it.

after tt stayed back to try do my authoring assignment.. then i forgot abt the time... to happy sitting beside my ah lian.. supposed to go for cca at 5. i dunno wad made mi remember it, but it was already 5.15 like tt.. so i rushed off... it was a time of prayer meeting, to prayer for the evangelistic concert coming up next wk. i'm glad to be able to publicise campus crusade, or else it would be just a cca for the north wing of nyp.... realli lor, most of the members r from school of health science... the engineering n it n design side of the sch seems ignorant of such a cca....

right after connection (cca "meeting") i rushed off to orchard to meet my sis. the train was kinda empty, thank God. i hate squeezing... went to cine to have dinner at suki sushi... it was a realli FUN time! hahahaa... we had buffet.. can take sushi, can take food to cook our own teppanyaki and steamboat.. i ate my fill.... but actually it was easy to make mi full cuz last few days my appetite had been small. waited for a while before we took ice cream..... we could actually make the icecream ourselves, using the same thing we use to cook our food!! tt's so cool!!! so we froze tiramisu, vanilla, strawberry n honeydew flavoured ice cream. made funny shapes out of the liquid ice cream then watch it harden.... while waiting, she was teaching mi thai.

then we talked abt singaporeans... i felt v upset abt not helping rebuild phuket when i was there... felt burdened to help actually... when i read articles abt pple going over to those areas to help now i wished i could help too... then this afternn as i was walking out of my hse i noticed the walls at the void deck were very dirty, like pple delibrately vandalised.. then i thot to myself, pple out there needed help, yet singporeans here are BUSY decorating the walls with dirt. felt kinda ashamed... but then i also surfed a lot of websites during this period, to check out exactly how kind singaporeans can be. i felt glad tt i found a lot of volunteer websites... but still i hope singapore can be part of those world wide organisations like WWF, APAC, etc etc.

i'm stuck in my bubbled world... i have to stay here n do my work n make sure i can find a job to support my family, n a secret desire of mine... well i'll tell u guys so it wun be a secret anymore.... i kinda plan to adopt a child somewhere in the world through this website www.childreninternational.com but i juz dun have the money to. oh yah as i surfed this website i really hope singapore has this kinda website too... but haven't found any.

oh yah anyway after we reached home my parents came home too. my dad asked mi where have we been... he was shocked when i told him how much we spent on dinner.. actually come to think of it, when i was in orchard it didn't occur to mi how much $45.80 actually was. considering i onli bring $2 a day to sch for meals since i bought my apple..... but i guess this meal is not a common affair... i'll treat it as a welcome meal for my sis to be back in singapore?

i'm broke - again... :( feel so far from my dream of adopting a child........

i wan to complain!!!!!

my pc has been giving mi probs... kena virus, worms, stupid popups n self-installed internet browser toolbars.. then when i go online i dunno wad is going on in the background cuz i actually gathered a 200MB use of my internet quota!

then i haven't been slping the last few days cuz of last min work...biaing assignments thru the nite.. i even got to c my dad b4 he went out for work. (usually i wld be slping then) last thur i stayed in sch to do 3D max assignment...din expect the lab to close at 6.30pm.... i started to gan chiong liao... started to cry.. haha.. 3rd time i cry in sch.. so pai seh

v tired.... sun n mon super shiong.. sunday went to peace centre to print digi work with darius n henry.. walked to bras basah art friend to buy mounting board, then went home to bia flash for web assignment. mon nite wanted to study for jap test but felt no peace. felt piss-ed instead. but i'm glad i prayed... after 2am like tt i started to calm down. but i felt angry for wasting time over no progress... all this while i was trying to install anti virus program but my comp super laggy...

last nite i finally had a break.. i reformatted my pc n installed everything again. felt much better..... finally got chance to slp... lately i haven been eating much... due to stress i guess......

PICT6372

PICT6372
Originally uploaded by djgemz.

this was taken in Phuket Fantasea...(i'm finally able to upload photos using mac~!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

some new yr resolutions i gathered last nite while doing quiet time.... =)

..to be a good ambassador of Christ
..to retreat and grow/mature for 2005
..to buck up in my work!!
..to build up courage to take initiative to lead (volunteer groups, projects)
..to pick up new languages
..to of cuz save money, save the earth
..to disciple young Christians
..to walk closer with God!

in Jesus' name i pray, amen!

i wan to go.....

but a lot of things to consider..

i tok to my mom abt anything concerning money she wld juz keep quiet... dunno whether the projects will clash with my school term or not... tt's my main concerns lor.. the deadline to register for the missions is monday... pls pray for me n do tell me if God has spoken to u which one i shld go for! need confirmation....

Hi crusaders,

If you have not signed up for the mission trips. Do pray about going...I think mission trips are really God-transforming !!! Talk to those who went for Gen 12:2 last year..Many of them are not the same again! They are transformed by God!

God sent His missionary to us 2000 years ago. Should not we also take a step of faith to go out and be His light?

Below details:

58 agents had signed for Wave 1 Projects!

3 more days for more agents to take up Wave 1 challenges!

Current Vacancies For Each Project:

·       East Asia 2nd Team .. 5

·       Mongolia .. 7

·       Global Village .. 4

·       Pavement Project .. 3

·       Bethany Methodist Nursing Home .. 7

·       Galistan Student Care .. 6

·       Mission @ Our Backyard .. 9


Quick sign up http://gen12ii.everystudent.com.sg/modules/registrar/ b4 others get ahead of you!

hmm seems like i din get it... nvm la... hope future got chances.. n i wun give up until sat.. if still no notice from them then nvm liao...

anyway today went to sch for sdn club meeting.. there were ideas to make sdn club known.. like invitations to marina south.. but muslims cannot go cuz the food there not halal. i think a design competition to start it off shld be gd.. to allow students to noe tt SDN club wans designs for t-shirts or posters... then after tt start outings.. hmm..

at 5pm i went for cca.. at least some pple rem me.. haha..

at 6pm went for yep gathering.. i nv eat lunch then v hungry, eyeing the food v long liao.. but honestly i think the food nt v nice... haha.. watch the docu edited by dfv then looked at some photos.. toked a bit.. heng i din get the chance to tok, dunno wad to say also... went outside of the room to chat with papa n moon n hx.. then y y joined us...

went home so sad no one go home with me.... waited v long for the bus, read my journal on the way..

hmm... maybe itz because i din get to meet my old frenz during christmas.... maybe tt's wad i'm missing...

maybe itz pms...

hope it'll go away soon...

starting to cheer up...

oh yah, hao went to army on sat... HAHAHHA.. oops hehe.. i wan to c ur botak head! anyway wish u all the best hope u dun kena wadever punishment they call it... (i dun realli pay attention when my cell grp guys tok abt army life)

suddenly i feel v sad... i dunno wad happened to me end of 2004..... my heart juz wasn't anywhere near me... in surin i was v distracted, din feel like helping as much as i could.. everyone cried except me... but i think i'm taking on the effect now...

in phuket i din feel sad for the pple who died... where is my compassion? i onli thought abt having fun n enjoying myself while i'm supposed to be in sch... i dunno y the death toll din seem to make an impact in my heart...

now i'm starting to miss the times i had in thailand.. but i dun realli feel like i'm myself.. 2005 doesn't seem to have a very gd start for me, doesn't seem bad also.. but as i read my fren's blog two words jumped at me... "Merry Christmas".... where was i during christmas? i din feel like i celebrated it altho i rem the events on the eve, altho i rem sms-ing my frenz wishing them merry christmas... is it because sy was not around for psychoianz to celebrate together as our tradition?

nowadays no mood to listen in class n do my work.... no motivation... no connection with God during qt also... feeling v moody, v down....

pls pray for the Lord to restore joy into my life! n bring mi back to planet earth!! hope tt in the next few days u all can read something joyful in my blog....

very sad now...

today i met many weird pple... yet some pple i juz dun get to meet...

stayed in sch the longest so far this sem... went to sch early for breakfast, stayed until 8pm to do work.... nt bad la, got some work done, better than staying at home with no motivation to do work..

brought my ibook to sch cuz wan n i were afraid we cld not find available comps to do our work... i dun wan to work at home... so we went to the library... had to register our notebooks if we wan wireless surf in sch.. but it was troublesome so we din. there's no network for me to tap at home... sigh~ lol..

rite nw i'm in a slacker mood.. dun wanna do anymore work tonite..

hohohoh..... i bought a new comp.... apple ibook g4! i burst the account my mom opened for mi... sigh.... need to look for a job soon... looking forward to chinese new year too..

i can finally go online n do my sch work at home! weee!!! catch mi on msn.... i miss u guys!!

ok.... i juz remembered yau had tattooed my name on his arm.... shit... he muz have hated mi...

ok for those who dunno.... i plucked up courage to break up with my bf on christmas.... for the sake of leaving a love triangle... i realise the other guy isn't v interested in me... but everything's over.... singlehood rules.... think twice b4 going into a relationship. esp if itz nt a serious one...

hao.. sorry i disappointed u... i dunno whether i realli changed a lot, but i shocked myself when i change my feelings so fast too.. din expect it...

happy new yr all of u... hope this yr i'll be a gd ger... hope i'll do well in sch...