:: Woe is me ::

It's Carousell again. He's been shopping every night before bed, buying $20, $30 stuff that I don't even care about. Says they are for the home.

This morning was the ultimate moment. He just bought a $20 piece of decor last night and needed $100 to pay off something. He expected me to withdraw readily for him and pass the money to him this morning. He dragged me out of bed to the supermarket to withdraw it because I didn't do that last night. What a jerk!

I had married a man with increasing debts and I feel so sorry for myself. A man who cannot provide for his family and is not responsible for his spending. Blames it on my spending instead.

To date he has not cleared his decades-long debt of $8000 with his best friend, been withdrawing money ($1400 now) from our joint account like it's his personal credit card, almost agreed immediately to install aircon in the living room ($3000?) and his friend told him no hurry to return. That means never, John. Together we owe his aunt and late grandmother $19000 for the downpayment when we bought this flat.

He's been telling his friends that he hopes we'll have twins. I want to punch his head every time I hear that.

I'm just crying every night praying that his addiction will be broken and that he'll be able to come to his senses and realise how much it's affecting me.