And I've been blaming myself for past decisions... I need to learn to forgive myself and move on.
Do bear with the lengthy-ness of the sermon below... I've already removed illustrations!
How To Stop Blame And Find Your Personal Power
By: Bo Sanchez
People like to blame others for their own mess. And society supports this bankrupt pattern of thinking!
Are you blaming others or are you taking charge?
You Can Be Successful! The only thing that’s common to all successful people is how they respond to failure: They take charge.
Every successful person in the world responds to failure positively. They bounce back. They don’t whine, complain, or blame. Instead, they stand up and fix it. They take responsibility.
Unsuccessful people, on the other hand, are Expert Blamers. They will never take charge. They will never say, “I’m in charge. Depending on what I choose, my life can be very beautiful or very ugly.” Because addicts believe that others are to blame for their problem.
Expert Blamers blame three favorite things…
1. Another Person
2. The Devil
3. God
First Favorite Thing To Blame: Another Person
Adam and Eve represent all the Unsuccessful People in the world. Because they were Expert Blamers.
When God asked, “Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?” Adam said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
In other words, the woman is to blame!
And if you study history, men have always blamed women for everything that has gone wrong in the world. (I think the scientific word for this phenomenon is Jerkhood.)
What’s the truth?
Many of the problems of this world are really a problem of manhood.
Larry Crabb says the same thing. He says the world is in a catastrophic mess right now because of one sin: The silence of Adam. (That’s the title of his intriguing book.) He says Adam didn’t protect his wife Eve. Instead, Adam remained silent. He should have said, “Sweetheart, what are you doing talking to that slimy Mr. Snake? I’m your husband and I will not just stand here while he’s lies to you and robs you. I will protect you. Stand back while I whack that creature on its head.”
Men have not taken responsibility for the spiritual life of their families.
Men have not been aggressive enough to care for their wives, their children, and their communities.
What do men do? They earn the money and do nothing else. Thinking that’s all there is to being a man, they live their own little selfish life with a beer bottle in one hand and a TV remote on the other.
When You Blame Other People, You Give Them Your Power And Become Powerless
Second Favorite Thing To Blame: The Devil
In the Garden of Eden, these words were spoken: Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
After all these centuries, nothing much has changed. People still say, “The devil made me do it!”
There are people who find the devil hiding behind every corner, tempting us, oppressing us. People like blaming demons for everything—a flat tire, a migraine, a sick child, a divorce, a loss of job, a business failure, an adulterous relationship.
But here’s the truth: the Devil operates on borrowed power.
Whose power? Yours. Unless you give your power to the devil, he will have no power over you.
Because his power is based on a lie. Because his power is based on your fear.
The more fear we have of him, the more power he has over us.
Friend, here’s the truth: You have power over the devil.
Why? Because you’re a child of God.
Chisel this on stone: Blaming the devil for our problems is useless.
Stop doing it.
In fact, he likes that you blame him. By making himself bigger, he has power over your life.
Instead, by your courage to take charge, you will free yourself—and others as well.
Third Favorite Thing To Blame: God
Adam said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.”
What was he saying? That God—who created the woman—is to blame!
When you blame others, when you blame the devil, and when you blame God, you’re saying, “I’m a helpless victim of circumstance. I’m not in control. I’m not in charge.”
Learned Helplessness
When I was in Indonesia, I rode an Elephant for the first time. What an experience to be on top of that beautiful animal.
But here’s what amazed me more: How could a 6-ton beast be held captive by a flimsy rope tied to his foot? All he had to do was sneeze hard enough and the rope would snap. But like a tiny puppy, the elephant would just stay there.
Later, I found out why.
When the elephant was a tiny baby, that rope was strong enough to hold him captive.
At the beginning, little jumbo pulled and pulled against the rope—but all in vain. Finally, the baby elephant concluded that all effort was useless.
So even when he grew in size and power—and can now actually cut that rope with a careless jerk of its foot—it won’t. Why? Because the rope isn’t tied to its body. The rope is tied to its mind.
This phenomenon is called “Learned Helplessness” and it doesn’t only happen to elephants. It also happens to human beings. After many failed attempts, we give up. And we blame the rope for our misery.
Friend, what are the ropes in your life?
Remember: It’s not tied to your body. It’s tied to your mind. So you can’t untie it in reality without untying it in your mind first.
You can do that only through the opposite of Learned Helplessness… Learned Power!
If there’s such a thing as “Learned Helplessness”, then there’s the phenomenon of “Learned Power”. God has supplied you the power to change your life—you just have to discover it within you.
Learned Helplessness happens one day at a time. Learned Power happens one day at a time too.
We need to depend on God alone. I’ve also met Christians who tell me, “Bo, I’ve tried my best to stop my sin. It doesn’t work. I’ve tried ‘willpower’ Christianity and failed miserably. So I’m now just surrendering everything to God…”
Hey, that’s fine—if “surrendering” means depending on God. He is the source of all blessings.
But listen well: God’s infinite blessing will have to flow through a channel, and one of His major channels is through your will. Because God works through your choices.
And by the mere fact that He gave you freewill, don’t you think He wants you to use it? Or is it some sick tool He gave you to prove that no matter how much you use it, it won’t work? (Gosh, if that were true, God is cruel.)
The Bible says that you are blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly world[3]. I believe that. And I believe that includes the power to decide to change your life one day at a time.
Break The Rope One Strand At A Time
If I tied a single strand of thread around your two hands, would you be able to break free? In a snap, right?
But what if I tied your hands with one hundred strands of thread—would it be as easy?
No it won’t. Brute strength would be useless. You need a strategy: You need to cut one piece of thread at a time. It’s the same thing with a bad habit. You have to do it one day at a time. Tomorrow, do the same thing. And the next day, do it again. And pretty soon, you’ll be cutting the last strand.
Friend, you’re not helpless. You can change your life!
You can change your Spiritual life.
You can change your Family life.
You can change your Physical Life.
You can change your Financial life.
Starting today!
If You’re Not Going To Blame Others, Should You Blame Yourself?
Nope.
God is not in the business of blaming people.
God is in the business of loving people, forgiving people, and giving people abundance.
If you have a fault, accept it.
If you have sinned, admit it.
But never condemn yourself!
Instead, take responsibility. Take charge!
When you take responsibility, you don’t blame and condemn yourself.
Because condemnation won’t heal you. Judging yourself won’t heal you. Taking a guilt trip won’t heal you. Shaming yourself won’t heal you. Only love will. And by taking charge, you love yourself.
Shaming Doesn’t Work
Listen carefully: Shaming someone does nothing to make that person better!
It doesn’t work when we do it on our children.
It doesn’t work when we do it on our friends.
And it doesn’t work when we do it on ourselves.
A Different Kind of Examination of Conscience
For years, each night, before going to bed, I would do what the Church called an “Examination of Conscience”. I would scan my entire day to see if I committed any sin. I would then ask for forgiveness and go to sleep.
For years I was doing this practice, but deep within, something was telling me there was something lacking. Today, I discovered it was God speaking to me, telling me that my Examination of Conscience was pathetically incomplete.
Today, I now realize that if it’s a complete, full-bodied, authentic Examination of Conscience, I should first search for the times when I did right before I search for the times I did wrong. When was I good today? When did I reflect God’s face today? When did I love others today? When did I love myself today? When was I able to serve and give and share?
Because that’s how God thinks about me. He’s not a Platoon
Sergeant preparing his troops for a military parade, inspecting for lint on my uniform and mud in my boots. Like the Father who welcomed the prodigal son who came home from working with the pigs, He embraces my dirt, my mud, and my pig stench. He puts a royal robe around my shame. He throws a welcome party for me. He loves me.
And then He’ll give me a bath. He’ll remove my dirty. He’ll remove my mud. He’ll remove my stench.
We’ve got it all wrong. The primary focus of an Examination of Conscience is not sin. The focus is receiving love. And that love will heal my sin.
Because what we focus on grows. If I focus on my sin only, it grows. But if I focus on my good, the good grows in me. And it grows so much that it replaces the bad within me.
Let me end with these powerful words:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frighten us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God?
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.
It is not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
---Marianne Williamson
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