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Tuesday, May 03, 2005

:: haven't been a good angel ::

hmm... feel kinda moody these days... pms...

juz feel tt i haven been a good girl... my friends always call me angel, but lately i dun feel like one..

been suaning pple until quite jia lat.. then i get offended v easily.. a lot of careless words juz come out of mouth.. i realise tt i tell lies too.. honestly, dunno if algernon is reading this.. =X this morning i woke up late... when he called me i was awake for a while already but i kinda acted like i realli juz woke up... to buy time perhaps... but i juz dun have motivation to do fyp, no motivation to go zoo with him to take photos... muz pray tt i will change this mindset...

been badmouthing pple too.. like torrence.. itz bad, not rite to do tt, but i juz tell pple who dunno him, how he's like.. hmm.. i also get irritated easily by pple around me... like juz now i was ordering food for dinner.. the china woman juz looked past mi n ask the guy behind me wad he wan to order.. i so pissed off lor. then i quickly shouted my order.. haha so kiasu.. but i juz keep giving a very pissed off look, to show tt "hey dun make me angry".. n today i find someone v irritating... but i try not to show it.

ok honestly too, i juz dun like pple from china.. those type who push their way thru a crowd, those who expect pple to pay them for acting as extras (among so many pple from other countries tt day in chinatown, they were realli the onli ones who r like tt).. those who steal pple's husbands... those who make so much noise (they juz like to talk loudly huh)... ok i'm wrong to have discrimination against anyone... but i'm juz being honest abt it.. i dun act friendly in front of them.. i juz dun tok to them n dun like to hang out near them.

hmm muz pray for me to get over this feeling... itz realli not something a Christian shld do.. maybe avoiding them might help easing the "hatred"? haha...

actually i haven been gd, becuz i haven been spending enuf time with God.. every nite i read Psalms n draw lessons from each chapter, n trying to translate a indonesian daily bread, but i haven't been putting my heart into hearing God speak... it was more like getting it over n done with.... shouldn't be the case....

pray for me ok, my friends!

n yina is rite, liking someone becuz he/she looks gd is superficial... i have been superficial... but i kinda got used to this sorta lifestyle... can i continue? or shld i change? suddenly i juz dun have the 'feeling' to wan to fall in love... but i've been wondering if pple wonder y i dun have bf? anyway there's this saying i still find true: you are not wad u think u are. you are wad u think i think u r. uh get wad i mean? in another words, i am not wad i think i am. i am wad i think u think i am. understand better?

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