:: really ::

แอนเจิ้ล -- my name in thai. cool huh, i can type thai now!!

wahaha.. *evil laughter*

reeally, these r one of the days when i can read my blog n wonder y i ever felt so down.. mood swing lor.. quite extreme hor. i keep telling myself, a depressed Christian is oxymoronic. it shldn't happen. so, trying to get over this stupid feeling n enjoy my life, not hate it.

hmm, on christmas, i would have been single for a whole year liao.. felt quite lonely at times, kept praying for a companion. but it's only been a year!! so hard to tahan meh? felt like there's no object of affection for me.. so kinda feel down easily i guess. that means Jesus hasn't been my number 1 love. hmm.. so i have to make some adjustments.

last night for my prayer time i poured out all my material requests to God. i find it VERY hard to pray for luxury items like new clothes, new shoes.. u may think that these r necessities, but i dun agree. i dun think without new clothes i cannot live. just that i won't be as trendy as my classmates. just that i won't feel good around them. n then i feel so down, down, down, down. i keep telling myself tt i'm me, i don't have to be like them, but it's hard. i dun even noe myself. but pple say that it's not wrong to pray for what i want, because our Father delights in giving His children good gifts. so i tried to pray for them lor. still feel tt it's wrong. =S it makes me happy to have money to shop.. but then i dun feel tt money shld be spent tt way. then i feel down. so ironic!! =( i'd rather spend money on computer.. it's more useful. or on travelling, experience the world.

i'm kinda in the stage where i'm confused. life is ironic to me. i can be both happy n sad.