on sunday as i was carrying a heavy load of books and cds back to Crest at far east, i prayed that my arm muscles will not get pulled. usually i will experiece an ache the next morning. but this time, because i prayed exactly like this, "Dear God, i pray that You will give me strength (until i reach Crest), not muscles..." the next morning i noticed that i don't feel any strain in my arm at all!! this is a simple day to day miracle that YOU can ask from God too! praise God!
i also wanna thank God for pushing my deadline behind. especially the animoweb competition. i didn't exactly spend a lot of time n effort on it la, but i hope to win la. hmm.. that's y i give myself extra stress... i bia my grp proj work on sunday night, bia my interaction design assignment on monday night n tue after my lesson went home to rest. when doing my ID assignment, i had overconfidence. thought that the effort i put in is good enough, that my concept is good. but when i submitted mine and reviewed everyone's in the class, mine is the worst. i dunno la. i passed my standard somehow, but i couldn't pass the class' standard. at the back of my mind i start to wonder, am i cut out to be a designer? i am just good enough to help my church design some simple brochures, posters etc.. but not good enough for the industry. i've had thoughts to become full time missionary, but is it an easy way out because i dun wanna work in competitive environment?
ya anyway.. just a little something extra abt me.. i guess u all dunno the extent of my depression. it's been there for a very long time already. whenever i see a knife i wld imagine myself getting cut by it, not that i have the intention to cut myself. i would sometimes imagine if my wrist got scratched accidentally n blood will splash all over.. i've ever imagined the walls of my room full of blood.. i also imagined slipping in the bathroom n hitting my head until i become unconscious. i imagined falling off my dad's motorbike. because i always lean on the box behind, so i imagined the box came loose n i fell backward in the middle of the expressway. even though i didn't have the intention, but i guess if one day i start to sleepwalk n do things with my subconscious mind, it's gonna be very scary. yea n in pri sch i even talked with my best friend abt jumping off a building. i..realise..it might be caused by watching horror films like Scream, What Lies Beneath, Final Destination. (i'm not affected by ghost kinda movies, but more of murder kind of movies) i really need to overcome this part of me. yup. thanks for reading. don't be affected by it. dun start imagining these yourself k?
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